I love my little brother Eric. I want to start this post with something positive. Because that’s what he was all about.
But I hate this day. And August, for that matter. I lost my brother in August, I lost my dad in August, and I lost my grandma in August. I dearly miss them. I try to think of the positive things all year, celebrate the time we had together. But in August, that seems just impossible.
I really hate this day. Come to think about it, I don’t hate many things. But this day is one of them.
Every year it’s a reminder of what I have lost, never to be regained. Every year, I try not be so down, but my subconsciousness, well, no one can tell it what to do or feel. So here I am again. Trying to make it through, lacking motivation to do anything in the weeks leading up to it.
I never go and visit his grave, but not because I am living so far away now. There are definitely different opinions about that, but for me, there is no point. I pay my respects in other ways, remember him through other means. Every time I go out and surf, I jump from my board and dive until I make it to the ground and touch the sand (or I can’t hold my breath any longer, whatever comes first), because that’s what Eric loved to do. One of the things I regret is never showing him how to surf (not that I was any good when he was still around, but still).
Just for future reference: When I am gone one day, I don’t want anyone to go and put flowers on my grave. Toss my ashes into the ocean and think of me everytime you are standing in front of the surf. Or, you know, open a bottle of rum! Or even better, both.
So this is just a fraction of the thoughts that are crossing my mind at this time of year. Anyway, I don’t want to end this post on these (admittedly a bit morbid) sentiments, but rather something positive.
I love my life. I couldn’t be happier with Franzi and Katie, honestly couldn’t wish for much more. And I felt so embraced by the love of my family and friends back in Europe. Same goes for the people here in Australia or wherever we go and how long we haven’t seen them. We love you all! And we miss you!
We are living our dream, and I would like to believe we are living a bit for Eric and his dreams as well, spending our days at, on or in the water. Eric loved the being in the water so much. And he was a much better swimmer than I ever will be!
The only one who loves water as much is probably Katie. So I take my chances and teach her how to surf. And she definitely keeps me on my toes, her smiles, hugs and kisses do make it better. Her smile reminds me so much of Eric’s. If I look at his photos and her pictures, I can really see a huge resemblance.
And Franzi is my rock, as always.
I don’t have much more to say today than: Kiss somebody you love, hug a friend, call somebody you care for and haven’t spoken to in a while. Repeat tomorrow. And the next day. And so on.
Time is precious.